what's the story?

Une silhouette furtive a glissé et fait son cheminement jusqu'aux derniers jours de 2011.
Une année où j'ai pris le temps de regarder tomber les masques et de respirer le parfum paisible des gens bien intentionés. J'ai capté, épié, humé, tel un voleur de senses, les humeurs des uns et le désarroi des autres.Puis, je me suis mis à l'écart, histoire de digérer et de faire une synthèse de toutes ces émotions.

Que reste-t-il de 2011? Une cassure, une rencontre, un départ vers l'au delà, une naissance. Il en fût idem pour 2010. L'heure est au recommencement, l'éternel recommencement, l'heure où la sombre lumière de la nuit décline et le désespoir faiblit.

Une image insensée s'offre à moi, une image fragile d'espoir que j'essaierai de contenir en moi tel un doux déchirement tout le long de la nouvelle année.

2011 a été violent et ordinaire, tout comme la vie lorsqu'on la comprend.
2012 s'annonce avec son odeur d'encens, douce et écoeurante, rassurante et mystérieuse.La vie, quoi.

I came back home with a trophy tonight. it lies on my table and I am staring at it asking myself whether this 'ornament' really symbolizes the respect that I have earned from my peers. I am happy that I won but there is still something more to it, the true reward being that I have acquired enough knowledge to start giving to others. Is it only the beginning of something much bigger than me?

I am thankful to life to have given me a family, friends and above all good health and love. I could have been somewhere else at this very moment not even knowing how to get through the night. This trophy is a piece of glass, a reminder that it is only a stepping stone to higher grounds.

Truth lies within my own self.

Om Mani Padme Hum

More than the journey, sometimes it's the destination that matters.

What if everything was to stop right now? what if it was the end?
I would ask myself how meaningful my life had been? whether the ride had been worthwhile?
Did I really make a difference? Did I choose the right path? How large was I ever be able to think?
I might had had the right intentions but they did not always result in right actions...
Death is certain. The time of death is uncertain.
Isn't it all I have to reflect upon?

Did I live up to my own expectations?

tu es un fragment de mes souvenirs/

moi une parcelle de ta mémoire/

de lumière en lumière/

d'une ombre à l'autre/

nous  filtrons/

l'essence de nos croyances/ 

au fil du temps

Equilibrium and Stability

Recently some relatives of mine asked me when I was going to get married. I simply replied: "not as long as I am happy". They stared at me half desperate, half shocked, obviously not expecting such an answer.
Days after, I keep asking myself whether I said anything wrong. Nah, of course I didn't.
The basics are here: health, home, family, job, relationship, friends, books to feed my soul with, spirituality, travels. I have found my balance in it all.I am so ever so grateful to life for allowing me to have it my way (most of the time), what more could I wish for?

I was reading about the 20 secondary afflictions in buddhism this morning when it suddenly struck me that many of them usually rule my world. Words like conceit, inconsideration, recklessness, non-introspection, pretension are not unfamiliar to me. As an act of good faith towards myself, I decided to do a whole mala of the mantra of purification, naively believing that it would help. Well, to some extend it did as it made me realize that false pretenses are just a disguised way of saying that I will make an extra effort to be less mean.

Being a good person is a concept, I am afraid, I will never be able to grasp fully. On the other hand, I would not mind being the least 'bad' person I can. That would be perfect for a start.

Aleluïah!

Read between the blinds

Words sometimes have their own shades and shadows and reading between the lines can be a quite a dramatic experience. Somebody, please blindfold me.
C'mon guys, no need to mumble something into a tribal language to make yourselves understood, 'kay?

My Life in 3 Acts

Act I

Growing up

Act II

Grow up!

Act III

Grown up?

Droits d'hauteur

Une phrase a capté mon attention hier alors que je regardais un film du génial Paul Thomas Anderson; on essaie d'oublier son passé mais le passé lui ne vous oublie pas.Il faut donc vivre avec.  
Nul n'échappe à son passé, nul n'échappe à sa conscience.On laisse parfois aller le sort par paresse ou même par ivresse afin de pouvoir mieux se draper par la suite dans une certaine forme de mélancolie.Je ne suis pas de ceux qui se laissent facilement ensorceler par les émotions et j'ai rarement des remords - encore que, il vaut mieux avoir des remords que des regrets mais j'avoue que la nostalgie d'un temps révolu me fait du bien de temps à autre.C'est une sensation qui laisse un arrière goût assez plaisant au fond du palais, je l'avoue.
On est plus ou moins mal à l'aise devant certains souvenirs qui sont hors de notre portée, des images que l'on croyait oubliées, dispersées et qui se retrouvent réunies avec en arrière plan et en sourdine les notes lourdes des trompettes du jugement dernier ; )
On tient toujours le même rôle néanmoins.celui de la personne qui finit par se sortir de cette torpeur qui lui fait autant de bien que de mal. On s'(r)éveille meurtri et ébloui et on se remet à l'ouvrage dans la fabrique à souvenirs.

My best friend's birthday

Hi best friend,

In two days time, you will be celebrating your birthday in Praha. How the heck did you end up there???

Hmmm, I think I have a clue; it all started the day you decided your life would be different. It all started the day you decided that you would carry out your wildest dreams with grace and courage. On that blessed day, you opened the door of your heart to life and invited all the best it had to offer to wrap you up.

I have known you for the past 10 years and your transparent and free of any guile nature has continuously amazed and inspired me. True, you are quite a puzzle sometimes. You are up and about, getting in and out predicaments with startling ease and you are always ruled by colourful ideals and imaginative ideas.

One thing I have learned over the years is that your spirit and mind are free like the wind and they should never be contained. I just the love the idea of knowing you are in another part of the world right now, walking restlessly up and down the streets of Praha spreading your light to anyone who would come your way.

Une place de choix had to be dedicated to you on this blog. You always see the best there is in me and you have a been a true friend throughout the years. I wish you all the happiness in the world because you truly deserve it.May this special day of yours and all those to come be filled with...

Looking back over my shoulder

I don't know if I took the right train but the stations along the way to the final destination seem stranger and the viewpoints more and more peculiar.Looking back over my shoulder and after a careful analysis of all these years of apprenticeship I find it strange to be standing in a no man's land. Shouldn't I be somewhere more familiar, I mean a place which resembles my comfort zone?

Maybe a few questions might help in finding a proper answer:

• How much have I evolved as a person?
• Am I better than ten years ago or simply different? 
• How many values have I added to my portfolio?
• How many lives did I help to change?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Have I moved further from my inner self than what I believed?

Well, I may not have definite answers to the above but I do remember:

...waiting for mum under the mango tree in the school yard
...the sound of our old VW when going to the seaside
...the thrill of the first day at college
...laughing with my friends
...becoming an uncle
...my first kiss

Come to think about it, I am probably much closer to my inner self than what I believed.