Thank You note

Thank you Life

Thank you for the everyday teachings, Joy and Pain

Thank you for insisting that I get more acquainted to Understanding

Thank you for still giving me a second Chance every single day


Yes, Thank you Life

Not for being Grand but for being Valuable





Strike a pose - Turning 40 this week

This week I'm hitting 40 and I've been in a deep reflective mood, trying to analyse how I was feeling. My little finger tells me that some people are expecting me to feel a bit low and depressed but truth is... I have never felt more fantastic :)

BRING IT ON! I can't wait to embrace the new decade which lies ahead. I have flown over that past one with a touch of arrogance, never worrying about avoiding being blunt and flaunting my cynicism in the face of people. I guess, I can say I am quite lucky I got all the way to this oasis safe and sound and I have to show gratitude to life for having kept me within the boundaries of health, love and comfort. At times I could even afford the luxury of wasting time and THAT is definitely an undisputed sign that I have been under the protection of the gods.

Family, friends, frictions, flaws, frontiers, flirts, foundations, fiasco, foresight, forgiveness, footprints, fantasies, forthright, forward, freedom, frantic, fulfilling, foolish, feelings are just a few superlatives to translate two words: FORTY & FABULOUS! Abso-Fucking-lutely no regrets.

What the future holds in prospect for me? I don't know and honestly do I need bother? As long as there is giving / sharing / poetry / understanding / compassion / detachment , I am confident I shall never tread on broken glass

 Special dedication to a world full of dumb-asses: My heartbeat @ 40!

Magic v/s Tragic Recipe

Ever wondered how sometimes you can come out 

with either 

A Magic
                                              

 OR

A Tragic

recipe from the kitchen? Well, life is

like a soufflé which we are never sure 

of getting right at the first attempt.

It gets even more frustrating when

the soufflé turns out to become a  

pancake. 

These days I am getting all the ingredients

ready for my forthcoming birthday. I have 

never organized my own party so I just

want to make sure I get everything right.

When starting out to cooking any recipe the 

first thing is to get a clean dish, i.e a clear project.

Then you make sure you have the right utensils,

      in other words the right venue. You proceed 

     with the right dosage of ingredients, the theme 

    of the evening, and you time everything according 

    to what you have been taught. Then you go ahead

   with the set up-the. Eventually, after some tasting

    and fine tuning you do what french people call

    le dressage, your personal touch. Obviously, you 

     need to ensure that you have the correct wine to

     accompany your dish.

Here's a little tip: never tell your guests

what you are about to serve them, just in 

case the soufflé turns out to be a pancake. 

The most important thing, you see, is that the

pancake becomes the yummiest thing they 

have ever tasted.

Unraveling the mysteries of life after an odd night

I woke up this morning after an odd night, locked in the claws of bad dreams.I am so ever thankful that my life is not a David Lynch movie & that freedom can be found in the form of psychedelic music - Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band set me right back where I belonged. Although my whistling mind is telling me that there is no fashionable answer to frustrating thoughts, methinks that the right dosage of psychedelic music really helps in the healing process.I wish I could say that days of 'bling bling' are passé and that sophistication is back,alas! my thirst for something crispy yet delicate will, I am afraid, remain unquenched.

I need to see Patrice soon.There is so much to talk about when I am with him, even our silences are stimulating. Our cynicism has brought me to conclude that we are more 'partners in crime' than friends, isn't that great? I have found someone with whom I can deliciously be wicked without feeling guilty.

Son côté irrévérencieux me fascine et m'inspire et il est le seul à avoir compris avant tout le monde que souffrir pour souffrir, autant le faire avec classe.Je me demande bien quel rôle lui attribuer sous mon grand chapiteau? celui du lanceur de couteaux , celui d'équilibriste ou encore celui du jongleur? all would suit him so perfectly well - jack of all trades and master of all. He would still lack the alacrity of the clown though. but then, wouldn't that be me?

I rest my case, unarguably partners in crime.

Ma dernière séance

Je me suis rendu au cinéma vendredi dernier pour y visionner 'Les enfants de troumaron', adapté du roman d'Ananda Devi: Eve de ses décombres.

Kerouac disait " une fois le sommet de la montagne atteint, continue de grimper" mais les personnages de Devi, eux,  après avoir touché le fond, continuent de glisser dans un abysse encore plus insondable.C'est un voyage qui ne connait aucune fin et où même la mort au lieu d'être libératrice se transforme en porte de sortie vers une vie tout aussi pétrie de douleurs et de mutilations sans fin.

Comment apaiser la brûlure de l'âme, une fois sortie de cette expérience inédite? Tourner et se retourner vers la noirceur en essayant de comprendre pourquoi la pénombre s'est tout à coup diluée dans la nuit. Pourquoi une réalité déroutante, déconcertante et qui vous force à dériver vers un cauchemar palpable, doit-elle exister? 

Au total, j'aurais eu besoin de 3 jours pour digérer le coté pesant de ce film et de cette histoire que je me représente finalement comme un néon rouge flou au milieu d'une nuit noire.Quand on décide d'ouvrir la boite de pandore, il faut en assumer les conséquences. En faisant la démarche de voir ce film, je m'attendais à quelquechose de lourd et de déprimant mais j'espérais aussi secrètement que la charge poétique de l'écriture d'Ananda Devi agirait comme une aura qui illuminerait l'oeuvre. Il n'en fût rien. 

A moi de trouver le faisceau qui me guidera de nouveau vers la lumière.

Dear Oscar,

The mot du jour is 'Limbo'.
My utter inability to think fresh and refashion my lifestyle has brought me to limbo and I am in bad need of an inspirational quote from you to get me out of there.
I always laugh at your 'I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability' because I find this acutely funny and raw.

I should be in a happy place right now and provided I make the right choices, I might eventually end up there. For the moment, I am contented but how could this ever satisfy me? Every saint has a past and every sinner a future. Let me reshuffle these words and get this straight: Every sinner has a past and every saint a future. Pfeeew! sounds more reassuring but oh so boring!

In my heyday, I would have hoped to be as sarcastic and discerning as you but no one can match you in wit and having the last word. I yearn to read from you more and would like to fly to Ireland at least once in my lifetime to pay you a visit. I'll see how much I can save before you start again with your:
"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination". The last word Oscar, always the last word...

15 Août - Fête de la Vierge et des idées non vierges

Letters to myself for when I will be 60 years old

Letter 1:
Cher moi-même,
Alors,elle est pas belle la vie?


Letter 2:
Dear myself,
I had planned a boring and quiet life until destiny came knocking  at my door.
Very Good Trip :)


Letter 3:
Dear myself,
No, no, no, no. No yearning please. Sickness? You knew it would be part of the package.
Contrat rempli.
Casse toi maintenant!


Letter 4: A titre posthume
Cher moi-même,
Dommage que tu ne sois plus là, tu aurais drôlement rigolé.
Les absents ont toujours tort.


Letter 5:
Cher moi-même,
Je t'aime malgré tout.

Géométrie

Sous l'oeil palpitant de mon ami, j'apprends à redécouvrir la géométrie de la vie. Les couleurs se heurtent et le temps se fige m'indiquant que la vie peut-être irrésitiblement sensuelle quand elle se lève du bon pied.
J'apprends à travers d'exotiques pensées que l'abstrait ne peut être défini que par le coeur.
Des pensées bouddhiques m'aident à me détacher de la passion enivrante dont tout être humain se drape. Humain, je le suis, destructeur, non.
Comment rester honorable dans ce monde de fous?

Pourfendeur d'idealisme

J'ai fait un infarctus d'ecriture ces derniers temps.                                                                                       

Suis-je l'homme d'un seul sillon?

Kaleidoscope

I would like to think of me as being neutral but despite my efforts my prejudiced mind is drawing me to bittersweet conclusions.The x factor , which I consider, would lift us up from our morosity is paler than ever compelling me to dwell into a 'why' factor.
Thank God, I have Kers who adds colour to my black 'n' white movie these days. His spunk and contagious energy is the perfect antidote that prevents me from burn-out. yes, he still needs the frills to get going but his snazzy pout and impish smile are sometimes all I need to load me with feel-good enzymes. his sass added to his allure is a deadly combination for me...
Still miss good old Wills though. le temps passe and I still cannot pigeonhole him, he's here and there at the same time, lost in the intricacies of his mind, trying to move forward whilst still held back by this idolatry for someone that he cannot define as master or friend.This puzzles me, given that he has a sharp mind which is honed enough to conquer the world. where does pretense stop and reality begin? but wait! here I go again with...my judgmental ways

Grosse déprime

Qu'est-ce qui me fait oublier le temps écoulé sinon la danse obsédante des moustiques?

Il fait chaud, j'ai le blues et tout ce que j'ai est ici, dans l'étouffement de cette chambre.

Ma vie ressemblerait-elle à un film de Terence Malik où les courants de deux fleuves géants se percutent et tournent à n'en plus finir pour ensuite lentement couler sans but vers un horizon lointain?

Elle est tour à tour rituel et rumeur sans jamais vraiment être limpide.Je ne vibre plus aux sons des rêves des autres, je suis d'un ennui féroce et il ne s'agit plus que de moi et de moi et toujours de moi. Quand sortirai-je de cette torpeur? 

La simplicité de la vie me manque.

Film de serie B

Is there a place beyond right and wrong where I can think things over these days? within a few weeks I have witnessed how people's egos could bring a company down to its knees. i am not very certain about my own professional future in this very company for which I have been working for the past eleven years. i woke up one morning only to discover a total upheaval and to realize that it was time to explore new avenues. not a believer in the concept of 'greener pastures', i prefer instead to think in terms of experiencing life from a different angle.
i hear whispers in corridors and everyone telling me to be careful about everyone, i hear about microphones being placed at the office and phone calls being taped, i listen to people lying bluntly in view of protecting their shares, i see uncertainty and doubts, i see ambition and 'moves', i see people faking to be hurt when they are not and  i simply tell myself that this must be quite normal in these times of hardships. i also ask myself whether i really belong to this place somehow.the situation went bezerk and suddenly there is something terribly wrong somewhere. so far i have not been able to identify what it is exactly but deep within i know that with time i will put my finger on it. question is: how long will this bad joke last?
i feel like having a supporting role in a B serie movie, the predictable type, with a twisted plot and a bad ending.

stats and probabilities

what are the probabilities that someone will ever come across this blog?
-next to zero.
-'next to'-why do those two words suddenly sound comforting? does it imply that there is still a streak of light? maybe, maybe someone will smile at these words, i will never know and it does not really matter after all.
-can it be that this blog might simply be a not-so-hidden agenda?
-if i did not want to be read, i wouldn't be here but then knowing that the probabilities of not being read are quite high, it keeps me going.in case my laptop crashes one day, i'll still have something in cyberspace.

- am i looking for validation or am i just twirling and spinning?
- is being an insignificant little satellite on the edge of nowhere better than being a pulsating star?
- this no man's land here is the perfect place for me to convince myself that I am in turn superhuman, ghost-like, asura, guardian spirit and void.

Scarlett O'hahaha

Scarlett O'hara, that bitch, did she really mean what she said when she uttered to herself that tomorrow is another day?
Looking back to what I wrote in 2010, i was supposed to break some old rules and create new ones in 2011. I did but it turned out the results were weird pertaining to situations and people.
Now, am I not supposed to rock 2012?  Well,I take back these words as I choose to jazz it instead. The Miles Davis way.Oh yeeeah.