Enjoy it! It's happening right now!

I wish the additions to the list would stop, mais bon. 

2016's count so far: Little Ashwan's suicide, Momonne's deteriorating mental condition, Kiran's cancer, Shaf's unexpected wedding announcement ( which clearly rings the bell to the end of an era), Zul's project to leave for good, Vimla's struggle, Ajit's car accident, Mum's fragile health, Kers's (dis)stress level reaching its peak...

Need I worry about all this getting at me? Pas tout à fait.

Let's climb the mirador a few minutes and see things from a different perspective. People around me are going through different stages of their lives. Sometimes their predicaments are slowing them down and as much as I feel concerned and love them, I, myself, am pretty safe. I mean, I have no health or mental issues, no loans to repay, I have a roof over my head which provides me with the basic, quiet comfort that I need and I am surrounded by members of my family who are supportive and give great advice. The only dark spot would be this broken relationship with my sister. It's been almost 5 years that we are not on speaking terms and I guess we have both given up all hope of communicating again one day. That used to affect me but since the beginning of this year I have decided that her resentment towards me will not deter me from feeling fulfilled.

I am lucky enough to be able to take small steps towards what I consider to be the right direction. This is always better than taking a big leap forward only to stumble and not be able to get up. yeah, yeah, I do become a sentimental wreck from time to time but only in fleeting moments. Usually, it does not last very long before I smile again. This life has so much to offer, there is so much to explore, so many movies to watch, so many books to read, so much good weather to enjoy, so much music to listen to, so many encounters to come. Honestly, wouldn't it be disrespectful towards life to be unhappy?

Les perles de ma mère

My mum was making her grocery list yesterday. All of a sudden she asked me:

- Are you not going to call Nutella to ask her to come with us tomorrow?
- Nutella?
- Ayooo, Samantha.
- Samantha?
- Sa mêeeme, Sabrina
- Oh, you mean Sabera!!!
- Oui,Sarita.

She was jotting down nutella on her list and got confused, that part I can understand but the Samantha, Sabrina and Sarita thing, honestly...

My buddy Kiran

In 1993, I joined a youth association which organized monthly outings. There, I met a guy named Kiran and we immediately befriended each other. We got along remarkably well and it was the beginning of an extraordinary friendship.1993-1994 are years which I remember fondly as we would hang out every week-end, we would sleep over at Parvez's, we would go dancing and I would even go and help him out at work. Kiran was a very sentimental guy, a womanizer who spent his time getting entangled in all sorts of dramatic affairs. He would eventually call me at night and I would walk all the way to colline candos and meet him on the special mobile force's shooting ground just to listen to his stories. We would sit there until late at night, watch the stars and I would patiently lend my ear to his latest narration about how his heart got broken. I also recall that evening where we had so many beers that we fell asleep on the beach in Grand Bay to wake up panick-stricken at 6am the following morning...lol

Then came Ashwinee whom he starting dating, a tempestuous and rocky relationship which lasted 2-3 years before they eventually got engaged and tied the knot in 2005. I witnessed the pre and post apocalyptic years of this passionate relationship and quite hated being asked to take sides. I was present on their wedding day, attended Kir's father's funeral (one of the saddest moments of his life) and even helped him out financially when the couple moved to Canada. We kept in touch very remotely once he had left the country but then reconnected when he called me to inform me that he would become a father. Kiran and Ashwinee came on holidays after many years, I visited them, brought a gift for their son, we had an awesome dinner and we bonded again. Over the years viber helped us exchange messages for birthdays, christmas etc...

I have only good souvenirs of this brotherly relationship which makes it even harder for me tonight when Kiran texted to tell me that he had got stomach cancer and had to undergo a painful emergency surgery where 90% of his stomach has been removed. He is only 42. A bacteria named helicobacter pylori has been in his body for the past ten years causing the cancer. He was so afraid not to survive the operation that he did not know how to tell me. He is presently weighing 45kgs and will start chemo next month.

- "You are most welcome to visit me, you know you are more than a friend".

I would fly tomorrow if I could.

sciamachy

and the deafening sound
of your infinite hollowness
asks you to trust
your very own madness

life stops and starts
at every second
condemned by an
unrelenting heart

come collect these droplets
of pain and treason
and with them weave
your basket of cruelty

sow the poisonous seeds
of agony and distress
on the lands where
stems of hope emerge

Betty White - She's the real thing!

Sunday with Compay Segundo & Buena Vista Social Club

Irredeemable relationships

I have the bad tendency of trying to save relationships which are already broken or redeem ties that have no real worth except that of keeping my life lively and colorful.
Syed's recent passage made me realize that I had reached my limits. I had a breakthrough on the last day we met and it turns out that although I should be relieved to untie myself from this kind of toxic relationship I am also struck by the fact that there is nothing really exquisite about it. It was good coloring outside the lines for some time but now that the coloring book has been shut, what is left of all this? Having finally been able to pigeon-hole him, I look back and ask myself what this whole brouhaha inside my head was actually about?

Have I ever really loved anyone or am I simply addicted to some kind of pain? I go about all the time trying to explain these different benchmarks of heart-centricity only to, irremediably, come up with the conclusion that there is a Bermuda triangle inside me which just sucks in everything I know that relates to matters of the heart.

Affaire classée!