I have seen

As 2019 draws to its end, a quiet storm of words & emotions dangles into my being. I watch the curtain fall over a year which has been as amazing as it has been dramatic and I cannot help but go through all the many images again in my head, some being cringe-inducing and others light and mellow. All of which are  punctuated by zingy one-liners. I still feel a chill in my heart every now and then. It happens when I hear Valsha's voice in my head or when I see the image of Farah fighting for survival on that hospital bed, Didi Pratima catching her last breaths of air and slowly departing thereon, Umar in the ICU room and his daughter crying in the corridor. These situations have hit me so hard that they nearly knocked me down this year.

I have seen families and friends sacrifice for one another, and also fail one another. I have seen people letting go of relationships, happily and sadly. I have seen people very close to me showing the shady part of their personality and behaving in idiotic ways.

I tell myself that all the years are the same, carrying their loads of good and bad yet at the same time I feel concerned and worried that I keep coming to the same conclusion, as if it was all new to me and that I should be expecting a different outcome. Shouldn't I be accustomed to the cycle of life by now? Isn't it natural that people that you love die or just disappear? Well, it gets harder and harder, knowing time is closing in, that your circle is directly targeted and that your comfort zone is about to blow apart at any time.

Those are not depressing thoughts, it is simply a reality that I have to deal with and the only measure I can take is to enhance my life by obliterating certain boundaries and opening myself more to the good vibes that surround me. I have had a lot of joy this year. I had by my side someone whose mere presence has been so inspirational and positively influential that it taught me to be braver. I am a talker and he is a guy whose actions speak louder than words. Putting aside our romance, I had always wanted to meet someone who would practice righteousness, do virtuous actions and be able to absorb the restless energy in me. In him I have found someone who has exceeded all my expectations and had he not been here to hold my hand this whole year, I would have been totally drained. This experience we are undergoing is precious and unique and I want to celebrate it for as long as possible.

The perfect day

Sometimes life offers you a perfect day out of a year which is eventful and tragic.

My perfect day of 2019: 14th of december, my sister's birthday.

Tea party and that delicious cake brought by the kids, family games, Ajit capturing the mood of the moment in a snapshot taken from the roof, decorating the xmas tree and sucking on piksidoos...lots of piksidoos. It was already awesome until I decided to take Antish for a night swim at Pereybere followed by midnight dinner on la rue Desforges, just so to nail one of the sweetest and warmest day ever.

What made it all so special?

- Watching the glow on my mum's face: " Mo ena tou mo bannes zenfants devant mo lizié et mo banes ti zenfans. mank nek Sid."

- Divya's laughter, Ashna's laughter, Mayuri's laughter, Jay's laughter, Sujata's laughter...the laughing, the joking, the family stories and the singing.

- Antish's staring at the stars while backstroking.

- Watching the most impressive moonrise ever.

- Sleeping soundly thereafter

Case Study

I was called in for a special treat last week-end for my birthday. With his magic touch Antish made it special by pouring his heart out organizing a surprise for me and what can I say? Special, it was. An impressive cake, a lovely dinner, slow-mo dancing under water bubbles and thought-provoking conversations completed a moment which was both tender and sweet. Actually, I think that my Instagram pic comment describes the evening quite well. It reads: 'There was love. A whole lotta love.'

All good things coming to an end, the day after saw me stepping,unprepared, into an uncanny week at work, one with its load of  unpleasant surprises :(

I cannot but reflect on the fact that my work place is the perfect setting for case studies of human behavior. In a case study you examine a real-life situation with all its complexities to discover what factors might contribute to outcomes. The situations that are under the magnifying lens here at work are various, they go from tragic love affairs, theft, bullying to throwing tantrums to people, if not objects. These never-ending dramas are directly connected to the laws of karma and I often choke when I witness how ill-treated people are, how the effect of harsh words and actions slowly destroy their self-worth and how these same people allow other individuals to vociferate at them, thinking they are deprived from the right of expressing themselves freely. At times, I step in and pacify situations but my actions are limited and it also requires constant energy to do so.  I wonder how I succeed in facing such negative energies. Maybe it is because they are not directed at me specifically or because I have a lot of protection. I try to help, support and console those who have been struck by lightning here. This could be my true purpose after all, who knows?

Mounia, our Rodrigan cook, has been thrown out of her rental this week. She found herself on the street at 10pm with her suitcase and bag with nowhere to go. That also after a series of catastrophe at work which almost led her to depression. She left her 02 kids with her mom to come and strive for better life here but instead found herself trapped into modern slavery. Thank God she got support from all the colleagues who decided to get her out of an impossible situation. She has just spent these past 03 nights at Sandiana's and Nanda got her a small apartment in Vacoas. I am offering her a whole month of grocery. Her case is one out of quite a few that I happen to witness and my daily prayers of the morning are directed towards trying to find in the teachings of the Buddha a way to soothe peoples' heartaches. In a way, they all have karma that they are cleansing.

"If we want everyone to be well, we need to rethink everything that we do and the way we are doing it in the world." - Sadhguru. Life brings to us so many case studies on an every day basis. We experience the very essence of it without understanding it, so we suffer. I think we should simply let go of all of our fears and accept the fact that we deserve each and everything that happens to us, no more, no less. The idea is not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. What is it that makes it so hard to strive to get out of certain situations and improve our conditions? We are here to serve life, not to make something improper of it.