We have an unwanted visitor in our home whom we can't wait to leave. Yes, my sister contracted the virus last week and now we have to make sure everything is properly sanitized day and night so that my mum does not catch it. It didn't come as a big shock though as we all felt that it was just a question of time before the virus started manifesting inside our immediate environment and now that it is here I can't stop thinking about last year and the hysteria in which the world was trapped when we came to learn about the disastrous effect of corona on human life. A year ago we were learning about how the virus was progressing, inviting itself into one country after the other, one town, one organization, one household and today, whether I want it or not, death seems more palpable than ever. I take comfort in the thought that a majority of people is spared, ending up with mild cold or fever and the statistics should be enough to reassure me that chances are that we fall into the category of the lucky ones. After all, we are vaccinated and the risk of real harm and damage is lower than for those who are not. But, what if?...what if something really bad was to happen? Is it how it would all end? Would this be my last post on this blog? the last time I am writing here? And if that were to be the case, what would I write about? what would I say? Would my mind be calm enough to process everything that's in me? Would I ask for forgiveness to those I have harmed, people and creatures? to life, for not having done my best? to myself, for not having taken time to study more?
I always thought of myself as someone with no regrets but let's be honest, I have to admit that I do have my load to carry and I sincerely hope that these are regrets that I can still purify before it's too late:
- I regret having been blinded by lust and sensual desires and doing shameless shit
- I regret having hurt people out of ego and ignorance
- I regret not having translated good intents into actions more often
- I regret not reaching out to enough people
- I regret not documenting myself on how to do all those things I did not know how to do
- I regret my low self-esteem and lack of courage at some turning points in my life
- I regret the arguing and harsh words towards my brother this past year. I should have behaved better :(
