Saturday 30 April 2016

When this unapologetic life sucks

2004: I want you to be the person I wake up beside for the rest of my life
2016: I want to have a family with you

Twelve years ago the words sounded very sweet to my ears but the latest ones pronounced this past month have found a different resonance in me. There are no promises, no plans, no talking about it, just hypothetical ideas which lead to nothing. Do I need to tag myself as a 'yearly holiday fling' as from now on?

I can't even believe that I dragged myself into this situation. I was supposed to have the upper-hand for once. It was planned to be the other way round, where I go to London, we have wild sex, I come back looking ten years younger and everyone is happy. No collateral damage, no feeling of discomfort, no apologies, no anything.

Fact 1: We more than like each other
Fact 2: We are so different yet so similar
Fact 3: We will not give up on our respective lives
Fact 4:  Karma or when life fucks you in all creative ways

Saturday 23 April 2016

The beat up story, yummy cheesecake and funny people

I just came back from a splendid evening at Lux* Grand Gaube. Lavish decor, delicious food at the buffet where incidentally I happened to taste the best cheesecake ever. I was my friend Vimla's beard for the evening and during the whole hour of drive it took us to get to the north, she recounted to me in full details how she beat up a man with the handle of a pickaxe in front of her door this past week. She beat the guy so hard that she broke his arm and left him completely in blood. That followed with the trashing of his van until there was hardly anything left of the vehicle when she was done.The neighbors were panicked, the police came, an investigation was opened, insults and death threats were thrown on one side and the other and it took her 6 hours to get back her composure. I will spare the details of the ugly circumstances which brought her to such an utter state of wrath but I will say that I was downright shocked at this tale given that Vimla is the one who introduced me to buddhism meditation. For 2-3 years I attended her guided meditation classes where I was taught to generate compassion, led to the concept of the middle path and introduced to the practice of detachment. Vimla has been doing meditation for the past 25 years.She has even been called for a private audience with the Dalai Lama in Dharamsala many years ago. One incident and how easy to get you off track.

Cette semaine Pat aussi m'a rendu visite et m'a confié qu'une énième discussion stérile avait fini par avoir raison de sa patience et  il en résulta qu'un acte d'exaspération avait fini par se traduire en geste inopportun. Lui qui est d'ordinaire si calme et raisonné, cette réaction m'a étonnée de sa part.Qu'est-ce que je suis sensé penser de tout cela? It's 4am, I can't sleep and all this appear very weird to me.

A table ce soir, l'homme assis à ma gauche est revenu du buffet trois fois avec une assiette à chaque fois plus garnie que la précedente pour ensuite me lancer d'un ton désinvolte " C'est bien, je n'ai pas trop mangé.Vous savez, je suis quelqu'un doté d'un appétit restreint". Pratiquement au même moment la dame à ma droite se lève pour repartir vers la table des desserts en me disant avec un grand sourire: "Ces camarons sont vraiment délicieux. Je vais en reprendre quelques-uns". Elle faisait allusion aux macarons.


Thursday 14 April 2016

Loving life, loving my life

I read some of my earlier posts and it made me realize that being in a low last year did not prevent me from loving life. Is it because I am used to loving people, no matter what, that I am always in such a state? maybe.
I like being this normal, average guy with an uncomplicated, simple existence. It is hard but compelling to be yourself all the way down the line, a real luxury.
When I have to cry, I look back at my sentimental life. When I have to laugh, I look back at my sentimental life too. This is awesome.
Boris told me that his only ambition in life is to be a good person and to do good around him.The guy is 19. What more is there to add?  I guess life has a funny way of teaching us lessons over and over again. Sometimes they take the form of 19 year old lads with class.
Loving life is way more interesting than loving my life.


Noah Reeds

Wednesday 13 April 2016

Notes from my father's diary

I found my father's diary in the garage a few months ago. He wrote about my grandfather whom I have not known. My dad, to say the least, hated his father although he had great admiration for the man. Below is a short account of my grand father's life and a description of his character as per my dad's notes:

I have rarely met a person who has done so many jobs as my father. I have heard that, before I was born, my father used to be a laborer. Later on, he became a tailor. My mother always addressed him as 'taillair'. No doubt, because, at the time of his marriage, he was a tailor. Then he became a biscuit maker and biscuit seller. He had bought a small pastry-making 'bakery' from a gentleman called Mr. Baya and had started manufacturing and selling biscuits. One of my earliest memories is that of a beautiful wicker-basket. I remember my mother telling me that my father used that basket for carrying and selling biscuits. I think they were biscuit manioc (cassava biscuits).

After sometime, my father became a 'sirdar', i.e a gang-man in charge of sugar-cane laborers. In those days he used to wear a khaki shirt and khaki trousers, the standard uniform of gang-men at that time.The happiest memory of those days was that once, or twice, my father had brought home a 'garde-manger' (aluminium container with lid) full of huge blue-black shrimps. Such shrimps have almost disappeared from our rivers and are memories of days gone by.

My father was very intelligent. Hence, he was always using his brains for finding a job which would liberate him and his growing family from the grips of poverty. In those days, we were still living in a mud-hut erected on a piece of land belonging to my great-uncle, Aunauth Beejadhur. At that time, the houses of rich people were wholly built of timber. Building in concrete had hardly started. White ants were a great nuisance. They played havoc with wooden buildings. The active brain of my father saw a golden opportunity there. He became an exterminator of white ants. I don't know from where he learnt the skill. He used to prepare the poison himself. It looked liked cocoa powder and a particular smell. The poison was placed in a ball-shaped rubber'horn' fitted with a steel tube. When the rubber ball pressed, the powder would come out of the tube in the form of a spray. There was also a yard-long pointed iron-rod for making holes in the 'houses' of the white ants where the powder was going to be pumped.

The wooden mansions of the Franco-Mauritians were spread throughout the island, especially on sugar estates. My father had secured a contract with some White sugar barons, especially in the district of Flacq. As he had to move about in the island and public transport was still rudimentary, he bought himself a second-hand motor-cycle which often broke down. It made a frightful amount of noise when the engine was being tried after its frequent repairs. I can't say whether it was a Norton or a Triumph because I was about three or four years old at that time and I had not yet learnt reading. Hence, I could not read the name written on the motor-cycle.

Most of the roads of Mauritius were mud tracks, full of potholes. The constant jolts and bumps made my father suffer from abscesses in the hind parts. About forty years later, when my father died of cancer in the anus, I asked myself whether the cause of the cancer was not retarded consequences of those abscesses. When my father started his job as white-ant exterminator, he became known as 'doktair caria' (white-ant doctor) and the nick-name stuck to him for the rest of his lifetime. When people saw me, they often said " To piti doktair caria, toi!" (You are the son of the white-ant doctor)

Then came World War II. Due to the activity of enemy submarines in the Indian Ocean, ships could not bring rice and other essential foods to Mauritius. My father saw a golden opportunity there. He took to planting paddy. For this purpose, he bought a few acres of marshy land at a place called "carreau l'acacia" (acacia field) near Schoenfield. The plantation and sale of paddy brought sudden prosperity to my father. He was able to buy a piece of land and to build a house on it. At one time, our two-roomed hut was full of bulging paddy bags from the floor to the ceiling. Sudden prosperity caused my father's ruin. He was so much dazzled by his sudden wealth that he bought a brand-new car. It was locally called "Morris-Béf" (Morris Ox) because it was a Morris and had an ox as its symbol. That Morris- Béf caused the downfall of my father. He used to take the new car to Port-Louis, the capital, everyday and thus started neglecting his work in the fields. At the end of the war, when the import of rice was resumed, our paddy fields were converted to sugar-cane fields. But every year, during the crop season, our sugar-cane fields caught fire. It was rumored that my father had cheated the gentleman from whom he had bought his land for planting paddy and, later, sugar-cane. Was the cheated gentleman the originator of those fires?


My hatred for cars was born when I saw my father going to the capital in his new car everyday. What business he had in the capital, I don't know. Why must a planter go down to town everyday? The truth is that there was a Tamil lady who was a divorcee. My father was enamoured with that lady. This was the origin of frequent quarrels between my father and my mother. For the love of that Tamil lady, my father neglected his plantations and his fortunes started going downhill. By that time, he had eight children. When he had lost all his fortune, he turned his private car into a taxi and became a taxi-driver. Due to his improvidence, he had to sell his house and his land at Rivière-du-Rempart. My mother took the bold step of moving to Port-Louis as four of her eight children had started attending secondary school at Port Louis. My father had become a land and house agent but he rarely slept at our house. He had rented a house near his beloved and he lived there. By that time my elder brother had joined the government service and my father had transferred the responsibility of bringing up his family to the shoulders of my elder brother who was nineteen years old. To help my elder brother in bringing up my younger brothers and sisters, I had joined the Teachers Training College after sitting for the Cambridge Higher School Certificate examination. I was eighteen.

Saturday 9 April 2016

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they are supposed to help you move forward and see what you are capable of.

Last Friday, I came out of a meeting with an uncomfortable feeling of not living up to the professional expectations of my fellow colleagues. The whole week-end was spent reflecting about my situation. It is hard to believe that one month ago I was being given a pat on my shoulder, told that I was a real added value to the company and that I had helped in creating a dynamic which had been missing so far to the place. Now, a few weeks later, I am told that although being of good faith and willing to do things correctly, my input is not sufficient and that I should have been more proactive. I cannot but think that this is a metaphor to life which, itself, is full of interruptions and complexities.

Sometimes I just wish I could be a writer and take some of the persons who annoy me, put them in a book and get rid of them.



Douze petites minutes

Quatre rues séparent ma maison de C hez Ram où trois pains maison chauds chauds  m'attendent tous les matins. Cinq minutes à pieds pour ...