The Leap of Faith

Today I handed out my letter of resignation.14 years of service and I am now about to take a leap of faith into the unknown.I have not sent any cv, nor called anyone and some people might think I am crazy or stupid but I know that I will be okay. I know who I am.

It is a great feeling.

The Entertainment Game

That awkward feeling of having entertained people throughout your life and that they suddenly got up and walked away out of boredome. I refer to Sim, Hashim & Kersley, the 03 persons who mattered the most to me in my life and who are not here anymore. How do I survive this? Reaching out for an answer is pointless. I guess I just need to go and find a way to help myself. No one else will.No one. Even entertainment evolves depending on the era we are living in.My show was simply never adapted to its time; too parodic, too cynical, too sentimental, too dramatic, too gawky. I absolutely hate the fact that I entertained those persons and that my show was not captivating enough for them to stay until the end. I cannot and will not review my script.I might modify or choose to delete some scenes but the storyline itself will remain unaltered. After all, can you choose to walk another path after having gone so far already? I am like a gladiator inside an arena, fighting to death against myself, trying to kill my ego to finally be liberated from attachment. Buddha said that pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.I am not in suffering but I am in pain and I don't know how long it will take to heal.Additionally, my insight and intellectual growth are both suffering from a lack of stillness of mind. I wonder if the real question would not rather be: How do you entertain yourself Ash? Having spent so much time being the playwright, producer, director, actor of my own movie, maybe it's time for me to step back and let myself be entertained like a mere spectator. Who knows, I might as well whistle when I like a scene? or throw flowers? or go and ask for an autograph?

Happy Birthday Mike - Life is a triracle

Let us define a miracle like as an event with a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of happening.Then a triracle would be an event with a trillionth chance.
Well, guess what? You made it there my friend. You are the only person I know who has been able to live spherically in all directions when we were all struggling to tread on one path.
At 40, the best is yet to come and you better re-fuel fast as other frontiers still remain to be explored.
Mike, you have been endowed with an infallible flair, great sensitivity and powerful dynamism. Have you ever stopped and considered that you have a dynamite package there?
Your time has come to be celebrated and loved and no matter what issues people have in their lives, do not let yourself be defined through their eyes. I know how important family is to you and your girls love you more than you could ever imagine.

Motivational Quotes + possible death

I spend my time reading motivational quotes these days, just to boost me up a little. Bad news after a disastrous break up, went for medical check up routine and it turns out that I have serious coronary problems. took an appointment to see the cardiologist this coming friday. it will be friday the 13th and the worst case scenario would be that the doctor predicts that I have not much time left. how dramatic does that sound? gee, when I read myself, i feel I'm in a woody allen movie. mind you, am no big fan of woody but i did find his "midnight in paris' an absolute masterpiece of drolerie and romance.
so,what if I die? what happens next?
I need to take care of the following first:

Replace Kers by Sid as beneficiary on my insurance. He can use the money to go to uni.
Make sure Kers has all the papers for the car to avoid any problem.
Clear all unpaid debts behind and give my account number to my sis for the expenses for the funeral.
Give my land to a member of the family in need.
Write letters to my loved ones, a few words of support and courage.
Leave some money for charity.
Burn all my diaries.
Make sure I do not fight with anyone in my last days...lol

In my last moment tell myself that I am just having a bad day but that my life itself had been quite lovely.

And if I don't die, ben...ça me fera une belle jambe.

Tired of feeling low

I would have prefered my life to be a white sheet