The Entertainment Game

That awkward feeling of having entertained people throughout your life and that they suddenly got up and walked away out of boredome. I refer to Sim, Hashim & Kersley, the 03 persons who mattered the most to me in my life and who are not here anymore. How do I survive this? Reaching out for an answer is pointless. I guess I just need to go and find a way to help myself. No one else will.No one. Even entertainment evolves depending on the era we are living in.My show was simply never adapted to its time; too parodic, too cynical, too sentimental, too dramatic, too gawky. I absolutely hate the fact that I entertained those persons and that my show was not captivating enough for them to stay until the end. I cannot and will not review my script.I might modify or choose to delete some scenes but the storyline itself will remain unaltered. After all, can you choose to walk another path after having gone so far already? I am like a gladiator inside an arena, fighting to death against myself, trying to kill my ego to finally be liberated from attachment. Buddha said that pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.I am not in suffering but I am in pain and I don't know how long it will take to heal.Additionally, my insight and intellectual growth are both suffering from a lack of stillness of mind. I wonder if the real question would not rather be: How do you entertain yourself Ash? Having spent so much time being the playwright, producer, director, actor of my own movie, maybe it's time for me to step back and let myself be entertained like a mere spectator. Who knows, I might as well whistle when I like a scene? or throw flowers? or go and ask for an autograph?