Irredeemable relationships

I have the bad tendency of trying to save relationships which are already broken or redeem ties that have no real worth except that of keeping my life lively and colorful.
Syed's recent passage made me realize that I had reached my limits. I had a breakthrough on the last day we met and it turns out that although I should be relieved to untie myself from this kind of toxic relationship I am also struck by the fact that there is nothing really exquisite about it. It was good coloring outside the lines for some time but now that the coloring book has been shut, what is left of all this? Having finally been able to pigeon-hole him, I look back and ask myself what this whole brouhaha inside my head was actually about?

Have I ever really loved anyone or am I simply addicted to some kind of pain? I go about all the time trying to explain these different benchmarks of heart-centricity only to, irremediably, come up with the conclusion that there is a Bermuda triangle inside me which just sucks in everything I know that relates to matters of the heart.

Affaire classée!