Dissecting my bluesy mood

Forgotten sorrows which I thought I had lost track of suddenly seem to resurge these days.
Is it because I am less distracted than usual or because of Vimla going on her annual beginning of year retreat?  We have reached the ' days of miracles'  where we need to indulge in a period of silence, reflection and awareness in order to cultivate our compassionate minds and engage more effectively with the world. It is, honestly, a very difficult exercise for the bubbly person that I am.

What does that say of me? Simply that there are darker aspects of me which I try to hide behind a warm smile. Facing my bare truth makes me realize my small wrong doings towards people whom I am supposed to love. As hard as I try to be a better person, as a human being, there are some inescapable flaws which get at me and make me ponder about how hard the rest of the journey can be.

Vimla can't seem to find her bearings these days, neither do I.  Nothing to do with being out of our respective comfort zones. Nopes, we are way pass that already. We both feel atemporal and disconnected from who we are supposed to be. Our mindset can't seem to match our personality. Mood swings are one thing, but what about character and personality, traits which really define us? Wandering into the strange lands of bluesiness feels weird and I would like to fall back into a more familiar place. My mind is straying away from my body as much as my mood is straying away from my very self.