The aftermath

We have finally reached the end of confinement. It took us 72 days to get there. It comes as a relief for most of us and for many a time to celebrate reconnect with dear ones. For some, however, it is also the start of a journey of anguish and uncertainties.

The sun does shine beautifully on this mother's day but I can't help feeling that there is a grim side taunting us as well. It just feels odd to be back to 'normal' since normality is being redefined on a daily basis now; one bringing in its sway economic difficulties coupled with emotional strain and blurriness. It is as if, all of a sudden, we have come to realize that the winding road to re-energize our souls seems longer and narrower than we had initially thought. 

We have survived lockdown and at the same time left a few feathers on the battlefield. 10 persons have died, many families left with scars and we very well know that all that a war can achieve can never be enough to replace all the losses it involves. Having been able to succeed in containing the spread of the virus does not make of us champions. It certainly makes us better off as compared to the rest of the planet and provides us with greater chances and opportunities to start afresh. Yet, the question remains: On an individual basis, will we choose to live a simple life or a hedonistic one thereon? Where does our sustainable future lie?

I had enough leisurely time to write on my blog and post on instagram these past 2 months. I did not feel like doing it though parce que le coeur n'y était pas. Instead, I did buddhist prayers, intense meditations and practices on a daily basis. I feel I have progressed a lot in this field. I have discovered that our mind has the ability to continually change its structure and function in response to new training experiences. A fulfilled life is not made of an uninterrupted succession of pleasant sensations but really comes from the way that we understand and work through the challenges of our existence.

One day I read the Arya Sanghata Sutra at one go and felt a profound change occuring in me. It gently led me to the understanding of how important it is to know how to relate to our surrounding while peeling our pure intellect and applying its different functions. Such a quiet and gentle eye-opener. I have been making strange dreams since then.

I also showed a lot of interest in the family tree, went looking for old pictures in all the drawers of the house, asked innumerable questions to my mum and went through the stories written by my dad in his letters, diaries and books. Skeletons were brought out of the closet and shameful anecdotes told to me in a whispering voice. It was as if I had a large piece of canvas on which I was trying to rebuild a puzzle. All in all, it shed a light on the dim corners of our existence and made it clear to me that I cannot shut down the memory of the past. What is important is to free myself from the involvement I can have with the shady sides of this past...

I am bringing Antish for a long drive today. I want to show him places which have very recently started holding a special place in my heart, the place where my father grew up. Who knows what kind of surprise will await us there?