When Yusuf Cat Stevens sings 'Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world. It's hard to get by just upon a smile', the words couldn't ring truer to me. The smile I wear still looks the same on my face but I can feel that my spirit is changing slowly as the world becomes a darker, colder place. Even the sun doesn't warm my body as it used to be back in those younger years. No, instead it stings my skin in an aggressive manner making me want to remain sheltered and covered all the time, literally and metaphorically speaking.
On some occasions, I still need to reach for that vintage book/song/movie that I once treasured just to rekindle some old memories, to reassure myself that I did have good taste and to check that the emotions still hold as strongly as they did in the past.There is a touch of nostalgia in everything that I write, feel or sense these days. Those companions - relatives & friends - I have traveled with for so many years are evolving into different persons and things which used to mean a great deal to me no longer seem to matter that much anymore. Am I suddenly aging less gracefully as I used to? I hope not, I hope it is just a fleeting phase that will dissolve like my body fat as the year draws to its end.
On a lighter note, Frederic Basset whom I was writing about in my previous article, replied to my messenger text when I sent him the extract mentioning him...'Yeah, I know exactly who you are. nice to hear from you man. not only were you the shy one but you were certainly the nicest of us all'. These words warmed my spirit. It's funny how people always refer to me as the 'nice' guy. what is that even supposed to mean? that I am a regular, quiet, bland, harmless and good-hearted soul? honestly, I have no idea.
I think I am in bad need of a catharsis these days, something which will purge my emotions and get me back on track. Will I find solace in the company of new acquaintances / old friends, look for that acknowledgement that we're so much better together than we are apart? Or should I simply withdraw and recite a nostalgia mantra still hoping to hit things right this time?
Om back to where it all started Svaha, Om back to where it all started Svaha, Om back to where it all started Svaha...
No comments:
Post a Comment