I have seen

As 2019 draws to its end, a quiet storm of words & emotions dangles into my being. I watch the curtain fall over a year which has been as amazing as it has been dramatic and I cannot help but go through all the many images again in my head, some being cringe-inducing and others light and mellow. All of which are  punctuated by zingy one-liners. I still feel a chill in my heart every now and then. It happens when I hear Valsha's voice in my head or when I see the image of Farah fighting for survival on that hospital bed, Didi Pratima catching her last breaths of air and slowly departing thereon, Umar in the ICU room and his daughter crying in the corridor. These situations have hit me so hard that they nearly knocked me down this year.

I have seen families and friends sacrifice for one another, and also fail one another. I have seen people letting go of relationships, happily and sadly. I have seen people very close to me showing the shady part of their personality and behaving in idiotic ways.

I tell myself that all the years are the same, carrying their loads of good and bad yet at the same time I feel concerned and worried that I keep coming to the same conclusion, as if it was all new to me and that I should be expecting a different outcome. Shouldn't I be accustomed to the cycle of life by now? Isn't it natural that people that you love die or just disappear? Well, it gets harder and harder, knowing time is closing in, that your circle is directly targeted and that your comfort zone is about to blow apart at any time.

Those are not depressing thoughts, it is simply a reality that I have to deal with and the only measure I can take is to enhance my life by obliterating certain boundaries and opening myself more to the good vibes that surround me. I have had a lot of joy this year. I had by my side someone whose mere presence has been so inspirational and positively influential that it taught me to be braver. I am a talker and he is a guy whose actions speak louder than words. Putting aside our romance, I had always wanted to meet someone who would practice righteousness, do virtuous actions and be able to absorb the restless energy in me. In him I have found someone who has exceeded all my expectations and had he not been here to hold my hand this whole year, I would have been totally drained. This experience we are undergoing is precious and unique and I want to celebrate it for as long as possible.