Shut up and learn!

We have been handed individually a list of our flaws at centre yesterday. This is how members of the sangha perceive me:

The ones bearing an asterisk indicate characteristics that have been noted more than once. Honestly, there  is no arguing to all that has been written as no real exaggeration there. I gave it some thought and pretty much agree that this is the image that I convey. I am opinionated and tend to argue in class, I don't hesitate to speak my mind out and yes, I am not very mindful sometimes, resulting in distressed looks from our sangha members as if they were saying...ayo papa kouma li kapav ena toupet koze koumsa?

The thing that saddens me though is the fact that I have offended people and this makes me reflective on how careful and mindful I ought to be from now on. I tend to forget that some of our members are not well treated at home, they are lonely and they rely on the sangha for comfort and understanding. Our weekly meeting is their happy moment and me being a bit brash kind of make them uneasy. It's sad that after all these years, there is still so much room for improvement for me in that aspect and that I am not getting at it.

Just before lockdown, we were given a paper bearing our qualities. Mine read: intelligent*, generous, self-confident*, positive and kind*. It is always nice to know that you are perceived as kind as this is something I aim to be despite my weaknesses. I know that I am well accepted within the sangha and even with all my eccentricities and weirdness, I can safely say that they even like me dearly. And I like them too. They are good people and tea time after class is a moment that we all look forward to because of the sharing, the happy mood and the good vibes that emanate from all of us. Anyone feeling a bit low suddenly feels rejuvenated, safe and supported. 

Sheila is mrs.speedy gonzalez,  hastily making tea, hastily drinking tea, hastily washing her mug, hastily catching up on the latest gossip and hastily leaving, Radha is the one who always insists that you taste her homemade oundé even if you don't feel like it, Madvi, our didiji comes with her tupperwear full of pakoras and we never miss to tease her about Shekhar, the one making those fritters. Anesh with his radar eyes makes sure that his better half Djanita is eating healthily while the latter will always argue with him in that very disctinctive high-pitched voice of hers. As for Ishwari, she will look at us all bearing her soft and gentle smile as if quietly asking herself 'what is this crazy bunch?' Then there is Chandni, who will call you in a corner of the room to confide about how ill-treated she is being at home to all of a sudden abruptly ending the conversation by whispering: "please keep this to yourself, don't tell anyone". She will then quickly walk to another victim and to start the whole process over again until everyone in the center knows about her story. But shhh, no one is allowed to talk about it, it's a secret, nah? Antish always checks that I have had my tea and eaten something while Vimla and me, needless to say, will be in the middle of a verbal wrestling about just anything. Stephanie and Poo are the soft and sweet ones always nice to everyone simply because they are genuinely nice.

This is how our Saturday afternoons go at the center and this is how we learn and grow.