My latest Buddhist practice consists of writing down in a notebook, during 45 consecutive days, all the pains I underwent from age 5 till now, the wrong deeds I did, the hurtful things I said.
- 45 days!!! I exclaimed thinking I would be done by the day 3.Well, guess what? I've hit my 23rd day and I still have plenty to retell. The more I write the more anecdotes keep popping up, tiny little stories I had completely forgotten about which managed to find a way to hide remotely somewhere under my skull. Given the proper impetus, the mind definitely starts working in mysterious ways, as does the subconscious.
It is such a liberating exercise though, one which is greatly helping me to reconcile with periods of my life where I had unfairly bracketed people or misjudged situations. I am coming to terms with the unnecessary dramas I had created or nurtured just so to give substance to my life. I wrongly thought that everyone needed a little melodrama to make life more interesting and it feels so shallow when I ponder about it today.
I am trying to assess my current operational behavior as opposed to that of my 20s when I was carefree and generous, driven by that happy-go-lucky nature that characterized me so perfectly well. Today, I tend to worry a bit about how to make ends meet when honestly, I shouldn't have to. True that I can't have the same level of material comfort I had ten years ago but I am in a much better place today, better than I have ever been before. The world is a tough place to evolve in if you don't have money but I know I will somehow manage to navigate my way through. quietly. peacefully.
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