Life - An Interpretative Approach

I have decided for this month of November to proceed to an evaluation framework that will:

i)  help me reflect better on the content and processes of my life
ii) have a fresh interpretive approach of my daily routine and shape my future

The 1st big decision of this year was to quit my job; no regrets
The 2nd decision was to get rid of my intoxication for Kalim; wise one
The 3rd decision (jamais deux sans trois), freshly taken this week-end, is to drop all hopes of finding someone and accept this state of celibacy of mine. I just have to face it, it is going to be a long lonely ride and the quicker I get used to it, the better.

Oscar was wise enough to observe that "we are each our own devil and we make this world our hell"

Je refuse d'être cet enfant qui se tient devant la vitrine de la pâtisserie à humer le doux parfum des charlottes et à admirer toutes les merveilles exposées sachant qu'il lui manquera toujours les cinq sous qui font la roupie pour s'offrir le plus simple des gâteaux. Autant passer mon chemin et me fabriquer dans ma tête mes propres créations que je savourerai à loisir.

This exploration to the other side of my world is bringing along so many uncanny evenings and a pervasive sense of discomfort. I did not realize, until recently, that getting to know myself would be such a perilous exercise. As long as I was in my comfort zone, I was a 'normal' individual with 'normal' issues but now that I have jumped out of that zone, my survival instincts are taking over, my brain has become a laboratory where all sorts of extravagant experiments are taking place and feelings like uncertainty, doubt, loneliness, guilt and even shame are being inspected on a daily basis. 

I have to admit that it is not an unpleasant exploration though. Being introduced to myself by myself from so many angles is an interesting experience which allows me the freedom of testing new approaches. Life is all about an interpretive approach where even our worst fears are re-shaped into something thrilling and challenging. Honestly, what people call the 'middle-age crisis', is not as dreadful as it appears. As far as I am concerned, it is not as much a crisis as an exploration where every opportunity is an equal opportunity for me to re-interpret and re-shape the darker facets of my being.

                                        Life should be like this painting by Gaugin