So, I did my act of contrition this morning and it consisted of a 'walk-til-you-drop' at candos park. Fortunately it was very breezy and I did not get too sweaty. I sat on the bench to catch my breath, watched this old couple conversing and blessed them for looking so happy.
I then started to review my relationship with god, asking myself what had brought me there to ask for 'forgiveness'. After all, haven't I been agnostic this past year? Throughout 2015, the only answer that came to my mind to the universal question: "Does god exist?" had been... "Only god knows!"
I want to believe in god (again), but not like this, not by default because I am feeling quite lonely. I used to live with that overwhelming notion that god was a great friend, partner, even lover but now when I think about it, I tell myself that it was all about a false validation.I don't feel disillusioned though, years have shown me that one of the hardest thing to do is to let go of what I thought was real.
My life is good, it is not going to be perfect. I don't intend to be perfect. All of this is okay.
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