End of a 16 year chapter

Today I took out from a drawer a diary which I had started in 1999. I realised that there were only 02 pages left for me to finish it off so I started going through the older pages and I came across names like Lovena, Marguerite, Leckraz, Rakesh, Ryan and those of some other persons I hardly remember along the years.

Lovena and I had a fling 18 years ago, then she got married to that flight attendant and completely disappeared from the scene, only to call me 5-6 years later when things started getting rocky in her marriage. As for Marguerite, she passed away in 2007, which marked the end of an era; that of childhood memories.

I also wrote about my brother receiving the Jean Fanchette award and how proud we were. At that time I had not met Shafeeq yet and Hash and I were still close friends.

A few words from this 16 year old diary which have retained my attention:

Monday 04.01.99 to Sunday 06.09.2015

• La dimension de l'émotion
• I used to be in love with the image I projected of myself
• Let's think practical!
• Il fait soleil dans mon être aujourd'hui
• I want to explode like a supernova
• I am lovecentric
• Luck/Faith/Travel/Enthusiasm, yeah, yeah, yeah...
• I am too blessed to be stressed
• My life? A blank sheet which I need to fill everyday
• Am I right?Am I wrong? Or is the lens I am looking through simply blurred?
• Parents want their children to be happy- what if they already are?
• The souvenir of Syed makes me happy, seeing Shaf living his life at his pace makes me happy
• Le cynisme serait-il l'enfant pauvre de la dépression?
• 25th June 2009: this year dad passed away, I am facing a severe drawback at work, mum had to undergo painful surgery, there has been the end of a beautiful friendship, my sentimental relationship is in the middle of an earthquake. How am I surviving all this? I have no fucking idea
• La seule constante, la seule vérité: tout n'est qu'impermanence
• Voilà! Je me suis déprogrammé. plus aucun risque de 'crash' dans mon coeur désormais
• How spiritually evolved am I?
• Je ne m'en fais pas pour autant, sachant que je suis aussi le miroir de l'autre
• J'écris afin de ne pas oublier qui je suis
• Le seul moyen d'avancer dans la vie est de lâcher prise
• Libéré de cette surcharge d'émotions
• L'humanité se brise un peu plus chaque jour. Je vois les enfants se faire massacrer en Palestine et cette image provoque en moi un haut-le-coeur. Le monde est fou. Qui condamne qui?
• Les hommes s'occupent tellement de religion qu'il leur arrive d'en oublier Dieu
• To pay all the loans and mortgages of the family...
• Comprendre la vérité des gens et en sortir du bonheur, chaque moment est un acte de délectation.
• Prévert me manque.
• I need substance / Aie confiance.Sois patient.
• Dawn of my life or dusk?
• C'est horrible de réaliser qu'on me trouve 'sympathique'. Il n'y a pas plus fadasse comme mot. Quelle condescendence! 
• Choice - Chance - Change: the winning trio
• Mes souvenirs intellectuels, ma charité immorale, et cette jouissance que j'éprouve à faire la leçon aux autres = intelligence émotionnelle? What the fuck??? I got it all wrong, again!
• Qu'en penserait Malcom s'il était encore là? La mémoire a cinq portes d'entrée: les cinq sens; et une unique porte de sortie: l'imagination